November 15, 2003
Unrealized Value of Boredom
I am not a person that loves food or even is especially fond of it. If food was a person in my high school, I would probably only smile and say hi after food did. But tonight's dinner was quite excellent and a full, contented stomach seems to do wonders for my disposition.
"My Milkshake" is one of the most fun tracks out there right now, especially as radio stations run "Hey Ya" into the ground. Ludacris completely missed the mark in his Rolling Stone interview, the best rhyme out there is "Don't want to meet your mama/Just want to make you come-a." Classic.
The first indication of me growing up is trying to persuade friends to return home for the holidays. How odd it is to have friends that get to choose such things; it is not quite so odd that they do not want to come back, however.
Tonight I decided that as cool as getting tipped is, getting tipped $2 is slightly humiliating. I do not enjoy receiving money directly, I try to pick up my paychecks when no one is around because of it, and I guess if I am going to go through the slightly demeaning process, I want it to be worth my while. $2 feels like a pity kind of thing. I appreciate the thought, I just do not care for the discomfort. Oh the testaments to how spoiled I am.
I am having the hardest time actually seeing myself at a college next year. I have a vague image of studying in dorm rooms but no idea what setting will come through the windows. One of my good friends was accepted into her top choice college last night and I am so jealous that she knows where she is going and it is exactly where she wants to be. I am hurrying to mail in my only rolling admissions application so I can gain the confidence of knowing at least somewhere will accept me.
My biggest conflict is city or not. I love the excitement and culture and everything else of the city, and it seems like people watching is unparalleled with the volume of people a big city provides, but at the same time I can see myself in large sweaters and sweatshirts, writing in my room while the loudest sound is a human voice rather than a car horn or train or other indication of the time period. I just refuse to write a lot of nature poetry; Henry David Thoreau I am not.
I am not sure if I will write again in the near future, but in case I do not, there will be a lack of entries for a few days because I am going to Washington D.C. for a journalism conference. My feelings are mixed on the trip; I am excited to be competing and talking with other teen journalists around the country, but I am not truly friends with anyone who is going. Normally I have no problem with that kind of situation, but I am going with people I am vaguely familiar with. It is my personal vision of hell. Being thrown into a crowd of strangers is an opportunity, spending excessive amounts of time with acquaintances tempts me to barricade myself in with books.
It may happen. I am going to try hard to fight my anti-social tendencies, but I can easily see myself bonding more with other schools than with my own. My plan is to bring enough work and reading material that social interaction will mostly be a choose, not the only option.
Today at work I was looking at the videos one of the mothers brought for her children. It reminded me of a letter to the editor I read in the New York Times, where someone wrote in criticizing Baby Mozart videos and other devices like that to keep children constantly entertained because it never allowed children to become bored. The writer went on to say that children develop their creativity by trying to rid themselves of boredom. As odd as it sounds, I think I agree that sometimes we need to be bored and learn how to deal with it, because it does lead to people doing things they normally do not have enough time to do. Learning how to manage off time is as important as mastering a schedule.
So part of me worries about this latest group of children that are constantly being bombarded with images and sounds and activities, without a spare moment to play stupid games or be mischevious beyond talking back or generally being annoying. I am among one of the earlier generations that will be able to discuss the benefits and disadvantages of day care; will these kids be limited to discussing the pros and cons of balancing ballet, violin, soccer, and gymnastics at the age of 8?
We all need to be a little bored sometimes, otherwise we will never learn how to change the situation.
Meanwhile I do not really know how to relax, but that is another story for another time.
Love,
Mandy