September 1, 2003
A Student Journalist Gone Slightly Mad
I do not know a thing about feng shui, but I do know what to do when I need people to get the fuck out of my way.
That was all for the rhyme.
As I have mentioned several times, my mother being home all of the time while she recovers from her hip replacement has been driving me INSANE. I have become accustomed to having my own space to work, live, and be happy, especially when I need to work on homework. Or I was used to it. No, I still am, but it is kind of like being used to have Bill Clinton as president. It is great that I adjusted, but it is not relevant seeing as Billy is not in the White House.
I was starting to read my Biology book when I realized that if I did not create some kind of desk-like area for myself I would go insane. So I cleared off a desk-like thing I had, tossing a few memories along the way. I am sentimental so I hate to throw anything away, chiefly due to my grandmother's pack-rat genes. But I realized there is no reason for me to keep every hair accessory I ever owned. So I threw out ten and shoved fifteen to twenty into a drawer.
I love my new desk area, though. I brought a computer up there and as long as it rains a bunch to prevent my noisy pre-pubescent neighbors from carrying on right behind my window (hence why I retreated to the library when I needed to pack a summer's worth of reading into a weeek), I should be great. GREAT.
As far as my lack of updates for this weekend, I have not been in top condition. The journalism thing threw me for more than a loop than I care to acknowledge or anticipated. Which is admittedly pathetic, but usually when it comes to things that are considered to be merit-based, I had not been disappointed in the past. Come college admission time (which is only a few months away, eek) I will know this kind of disappointment more, but for now it comes as a bit of a shock.
The answer may be that choosing the editor of the paper is not merit-based, it seems to be clearly chosen on seniority because I can say that there are several people on staff who are more skilled than the editors. Christian's sympathy diminished significantly once he understood that I pretty much have my own column on foreign policy. And I am starting to realize he is correct, it is an honor and it will be a great way for me to build my portfolio.
I have been talking this out a lot with him over the past couple of days. I have really invested myself into writing and journalism seems like the best path for me at this point. Saturday morning I went to the library to do research on my article on Iraq (specifically how the United States is hoping to gain more international support, in case you are interested); I decided to check the editorial on the negative consequences of letting ability go unrecognized until it could jell a bit more in my head. If I ever do write the editorial, I want it to be extremely well done.
Part of what I like about controversy is it has to be so carefully executed. If the writing is poor or someone is misquoted or there is any other kind of error your point can be easily dismissed or the piece can be ripped to pieces on a technicality. If the issue really matters to a writer they must leave it so that the only criticism can be directed at the idea, and really the reader must admit that they simply do not agree but feel ridiciulous in their disagreement because the writer has laid out such a logical and straight-forward argument.
It really helps that I love research so I can get the facts and logic to back myself up when I need to. I hate to write articles without at least a little research to back me up, it makes me feel susceptable. Besides, without research there is far too much margin available for obvious opinion to be inserted. It is all about subtlety my friend.
We all try to manipulate our audience, the trick is to not let the audience know when they are being turned this way and that.
Amidst my research I found another fantastic article idea. On the front page of The Chicago Tribune there was an article about how eating disorders are usually misdiagnosed in minorities because bulemia and anorexia-nervosa are considered to be affluent white girl (and sometimes male) diseases. Which just goes to show that while people call them diseases they do not really think of them that way. It was a fresh angle on the eating disorder issue and that kind of thing can always be written to a high school audience. I am just not sure how to localize the story.
Despite my bitterness with the paper right now, slowly weakening bitterness but ever-present, I am going to volley this idea out to whichever staff member wants it. If the seniors in my class are smart, or someone else who really wants to do this in the future, they will grab onto it with both hands. Done with, especially with research on the unseemly pro-ana network on the internet (another issue I desperately want to do an article on) this could turn out to be a fantastic portfolio piece.
I am not sure why I am willing to give this up; maybe I will not. I need a second opinion. The more I talk about it the more I realize that I am betraying myself and my talents. If so, it is no wonder that my trust was so easily captured and abandoned when my instructor led me and a few others to believe we would capture leadership positions when that was not in the cards at all.
Ok, I was told I definitely need to save the article for myself. I have to love when my greed is encouraged, but I really would like to see this article done well and if I did not do it myself I would have to make sure I handed it to someone specifically rather than give it out to the group.
Oh journalism.
At least this week only has four days, which is nice. I just wish I did not have a fifteen minutes of fame column do for one of them. People have no problem answering the questions, it is having their picture featured that people hate. I do not blame them.
Come Wednesday one of the editors should hate me thoroughly after I read my response for the class. That should earn me pretty universal hatred, actually. I told Christian when we went to Red Lobster last night that at this point I have decided I cannot be constantly worrying about "what people might think." I find it hard to care too much at all, after this year I will probably never have to deal with these people again.
I am tired of changing my actions because of what people might think, especially the people who put great effort into giving off the impression that they do not think.
If the mentality is going to be "Let's put down people who are successful" I will just have to be disliked on the occasions that I do well. Outside of the high school walls, no one cares if the mentality was to not stick out if you could avoid it because you make people feel bad when you do anything that might hint that they may be inferior to you in anyway.
In understanding that this mentality is horse shit, I try everyday to not allow myself to put someone down because they work hard or have done something well. I fail at it more than I would like; I would not like to fail at it all, but I figure at the very least I can change myself so I should start there.
That is, until I can make The Fountainhead mandatory reading for everyone and drill the themes into people's heads. Baby steps, baby steps...
Love,
Mandy