July 21, 2003
A Line Graph Life
If my emotions were a line graph, today the line would have done a wavy thing, then spent a while at the low, spiked up, then settled on medium as I type this.
I bought an ethernet cable so I will be able to continue to update this while I am away at Northwestern on a fairly regular basis. You can stop crying now, everything is going to be ok!
I realized that I have not been to a single concert during the actual summer and I decided that was utterly pathetic for someone who claims they want to write for Rolling Stone someday. I continue to read articles obsessively but what kind of music fan am I if the last concert I went to was in May? At this rate I am only going to be able to write the political articles and I fear I am not liberal enough to be writing that stuff.
I read some letters to the editor that citizens of my city sent to my paper. My reaction is best summed up as "wow" and better explained when I say that I was stunned that so many people were anxious to express how closed-minded they are while backing up their positions with false facts. Maybe I am the only person who thinks this, but since I do not fabricate articles for The New York Times my policy is that whenever I am writing something publicly with my name AND city so there could be no confusion about my identity I do everything I can to write something that is factual or un-crazy if I am expressing an opinion.
Once I start to think about journalistic writing more I realize that opinion columns are superflous and obvious for the readers that cannot recognize a writer's bias. Diction, syntax, and selection of facts allows any reporter to tell the story they want to tell. The reader may not always be aware, but most articles contain tools of persuasion. Not to say that all journalists are diabolical, a few are not (junior junior journalist speaking heree with tongue pressed firmly in cheek), but it is impossible to write anything with any kind of narrative style without some bias or opinion lying beneath it.
The best way to recognize the bias is to compare how two reporters talk about the same event, if the situation allows for the luxury. Or to simply read my local paper, when a reader is looking for bias even half-heartedly my paper is far from subtle in expressing its agenda. Yay for Republicans reporting on Democratic conventions, huh?
I could live on bread and water quite easily for a long time (until the lack of nutrients got to me) but I doubt I could ever live in solitude. Other people help me to keep perspective and I love exchanging ideas and opinions with people.
I talked to a friend of mine for a while after we planned to have lunch (should be GREAT times, I say this with complete and utter sincerity) and without her even knowing it she helped me to put some of my petty problems into perspective. Being a teenager is not easy but so many of the problems that occur come straight from pettiness and other insecurities.
Now to potentially offend the feminists. I told one friend of mine that the trick to understand most girls, especially teenage girls, is to always keep in mind that most girls are extremely insecure. That can be said for most people of both genders at the same time but I can only speak with a little authority on the female's half. Most times that I do something shitty I am allowing my insecurities to govern my actions.
Genuinely confident people, if they exist, tend to live good lives because the main force that wreaks havoc is not present in their life. Tragedies and other disasters that cannot be prevented hit the confident people just as hard as anyone but they do not make things worse because of their shock or hurt as much.
I received several applications for college today and as time goes on they are coming more steadily. The questions and short statements are almost always interesting but the idea of having to structure it for someone else to read and hopefully enjoy tends kill off some of the creative spirit. It definitely makes what would otherwise be a new perspective on the self into a daunting and intimidating task.
I keep four or five journals, several of which are public, but exposing a fraction of what I have exposed here for an admission board is intimidating. When asked to write so personally I feel like I am really putting myself on the line, so a rejection letter will not be a rejection of my accomplishments or my GPA but a rejection of myself. Maybe I am kidding myself in thinking that these choices are based on anything but the person.
I know that admission officers do not determine my worth as a human being but I know with my first rejection letters I will have to curl up in bed for a few hours and not talk to anyone. I will probably cry too. I also know that I will get out of bed, though, so I guess the worst-case scenario is I will spend more quality time with my sheets than I care for. I will get into several colleges and I will find a place that fits and discover how I can be successful wherever I go.
All of that knowledge does not make the college applications that are stacking up any less frightening. Right now I am too anxious about seeing people before I leave and other things Northwestern related that the applications will just have to wait their turn on my worry list.
My line is a tranquil shade of blue for the moment.
Love,
Mandy