September 15, 2003
Ego 98
Quick study break for the fan out there that is missing my updates.
Write! Club was a rousing failure, mostly due to my lack of advertising from busy-ness. Or just because I suck as a leader. Both are equally possible, pray for the literary magazine if the latter is the case. In a couple of weeks I will make proper signs and hang them up around the school. If it is a failure again I think I am going to suck up my pride and reality along with it and tell Mr. Miller that I suck as Write! Club president and that someone else should see if they can grab more participants.
The only disappointing thing is I had a mental speech in my head asking people for suggestions because I want people to feel like they are more invested and part of the club rather than it just being me popping up prompts and asking for people to share. My prompts were pretty kick-ass, though, so I can recycle them for try number two.
Only the other hand I am not too disappointed because it gave me some time to bum around before burying myself in my AP European History notes and my Global History notes from the same teacher to supplement and correct my notes.
The scary thing is it feels like all of the information is sinking in and mostly staying there, so I have to assume that I am not looking at enough information. That is what spending hours looking at an overview of Greece to the Middle Ages looks like, I am afraid.
I was delighted to find out that my G.P.A. is higher than I thought it was. Not significantly higher but .04 or so. Maybe I am just easily pleased.
Not so pleased with how bureaucratic the college recommendations from my counselor process is, though. Poop.
You see that superb vocabulary? If that is not a ticket to Barnard I do not know what is.
Something disappointing and thrilling at the same time is I turned in an AP Literature response that I knew was not up to snuff but I did not feel like giving the energy it would take to make it be where it should be so I turned it in as is. I also figured that the lower grade I would inevitabley receive would knock my ego down a few notches so I could return to normal human being status.
Except it was not inevitable. Or it was that other inevitable thing that happened, I received a 98%. I do not receive a 98%. I feel like I should write something else to deserve the damn 98%. I am fine with abusing or manipulating the system for my desired results but it does not sit well with me when I receive rewards that I do not feel like I deserve at all.
I know one of these days that my someone acute powers of observation are going to do me in. Far too frequently I notice minute details that when recognized outloud make me sound obsessive. I can still recall not only my high school schedules but the high school schedules of many of my friends, crushes, and people who just happened to be in one or two of my classes. Figuring out people's schedules has always appealed to my more dominate mathematical side and for whatever reason that kind of problem solving is fun for me.
Oh, and it turns out that I do not receive any high school credit for my Northwestern course. Oh well. The only annoying part was how the registrar at my school kept on talking about how her and my principal feel that because it was not offered through a secondary school it cannot be given high school credit. Fine. Then she went on about how it was still a valuable experience, which I already knew, and kept on saying that for another minute or two. I just wanted to leave.
Nothing like making absolutely no progress. Argh.
I should study the ways of the communist and see if they have any points I can agree with after all. My competitive nature may make me too incompatable for realistic society.
But then again, writers make fairly good hermits. So I am on my way.
Oh, and I just realized that the failure of the Write! Club meeting should have knocked my ego down a couple of pegs but I am slowly getting better at not letting others affect me that much. Except in Calculus today, I let someone get to me. But then I became extremely pissed at myself for giving anyone else that kind of power to shake me.
Apparently I think I am better than such shit.
Love,
Mandy