August 27, 2003
The Day Before Senior Year
It feels like everyone I know (that does not go to my school) has already started school. So I am behind. And I am absolutely fine with it.
But starting tomorrow, no more freedom for a while. My freedom was actually quite temporary this summer with Speech, work, and Northwestern. Mostly I am happy with it, I would rather be productive than just laze around the house my whole summer. But because I was "productive" I am not ready for summer to start at all.
I am simultaneously reluctant and eager to start my senior year. It should be my most challenging year and it is the year that I have to make the big decision as to which college to go to. Unfortunately I am looking at some college admissions like I look at items on sale: if it seems like a good buy, why not try it? I am considering applying to the Honors Program at Houston because they do not require an essay and they only ask $20 for the application fee.
Actually, I am not really considering it. I was last night but it is stupid to apply to a place I have no interest in attending, at least when I feel like I have options that I would prefer.
One of my goals this year is to be kinder, more generous, and less judgmental. To clarify, being less judgmental does not translate into tolerating any behavior, but I am going to try to clean the slate with as many people as possible. It is going to be hard, especially when it comes to my Journalism class, but I am going to try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. If I am successful at this I will consider it to be my greatest accomplishment.
I also want to get a lot more writing done this year and consider really making an effort to get my work published beyond the walls of my high school.
This year is going to be chiefly about self-discipline and making decisions. By this time next year I will probably (hopefully) not even be in Ohio. I am kind of thrilled about the idea of being on my own in a year, a lot of my best experiences happen when I am relying on no one but myself.
I should probably also make it one of my goals to let myself rely on others a little bit more. I should be forced to do that with The Ravine (my school newspaper) this year. I hope I get to edit articles and hopefully everyone on staff will become a better writer by the end of the year.
I started filling out college applications a little bit yesterday. After my meeting with my counselor on September 11th I should have my final list of colleges, right now I have a pretty good draft list but it will be nice to have it finalized. Then my goal that weekend will be to get all of my recommendation forms ready and hand them out that Monday so I will have one less thing to worry about.
Then I have to write essays. Ahhh. I need to think more so all of my literature essays do not end up being about Ayn Rand, even if I am quite obsessed with her writing.
Last night I started thinking about how some books are not only great for what they are, but they are great because a reader considers the book to be a beloved object and sometimes I think a book can offer so much comfort. In the past couple of days I have been tempted to curl up into bed and re-read The Fountainhead or The Perks of Being a Wallflower or We the Living.
So much to read, so little time. Like everyone else.
I am nearly mentally prepared to start school again.
The odd thing is usually I start a new school year with a lot of anxiety. My appetite withers away and my gag-reflex becomes active in its place. But here I am, less than 24 hours away from starting a new year and no food has gone the wrong direction in my throat like Christian's car the other day. He had a temporarily British moment when he was trying to drink coffee and drive at the same time.
In non-school stuff, I am less than stoked about work tonight. There is supposed to be a Scuba Diving class that will kick me, Pat, and the kids outside for two hours. I am praying that it will not rain, but I almost would like it to rain just because I want the club to figure out what to do. Nevermind, I would have to figure it out. I have no desire to scramble with a couple of kids, one who is only eight months old.
Maybe the idea of juggling crying kids make senior year seem a little less intimidating. It is also a relief that this will be my last year. I almost wrote "with these people" but that is far too negative for the new attitude I am naive enough to think I will be able to adopt.
I just hope that my hard work continues to pay off like it has up until now.
Love,
Mandy