October 13, 2003
Versailles
If I am going to do this whole super woman thing a la my mom, I am going to have to figure out a new way of doing things.
In the middle of Latin I was hit with a massive headache and a pretty strong inkling that I had a fever. But I think I always have a fever; when I went to donate blood in the spring I was turned away because of a fever that I was not aware I had.
Not much happens in Latin, so I announced that I thought I had a fever to the people who sit around me.
"I'm not feeling your forehead." Nate quickly told me.
Gee, thanks Nate. I was not going to ask you too, so I think we are in perfect agreement: you are definitely not feeling me. ::rolls eyes::
So I have done the whole showering thing, doing homework despite the headache and faulty Aleve, then laying around in my parents' bed feeling sorry for myself/relieved to not be doing work for at least a little while, then forcing myself to be mobile and almost productive again.
I read other people's diaries and sometimes I am so awe-stricken by the poetic prose that people use to describe their lives. The other day I was informed that my diary lacks any real emotion, and maybe it does.
Too often when the real emotion comes thorugh I feel shitty in the aftershocks.
Today in European History we were seeing slides of Versailles. Unfortunately the face of yours truly is included in these slides because I went on one of my teacher's trips to Europe. I HATE having my picture taken and even more than that I despise seeing my own picture. If you absolutely must have the image of Medusa, at least show enough consideration to not turn me into stone.
Needless to say (but I will say it anyway), I promptly brought my knees to my chest and squirmed in my seat until the frame changed. Not quickly enough by the way. And not without him naming people in the picture.
At some point during my illness I decided that I am only going to have friendships that will be mistaken for romantic relationships by outsiders (there are now four people that I have been linked with). Friendships have a lot of the intimacy without the kind of intimacy that I am slowly thinking I am innately horrible at. Secretly I am a robot.
Or not so secretly.
Going back a few subjects, I wonder if everyone tries to build their own Versailles. Not in the sense of building a palace (though many do, just look at MC Hammer) but of trying to acquire something extravagent or create some kind of legacy. In fact I would venture to say most people try to build their own Versailles through their jobs and cars and families and everything else. I think most progress can be attributed to man trying to satisfy his ever-thirsting ego. So we really have to cut all of this living selflessly shit out.
Love,
Mandy