March 13, 2004
Monster
I am a complete nervous wreck over this Syracuse thing. Well, the actual Syracuse thing and getting all of the work I will be missing finished, while hopefully understanding it. Damn the disc method for finding volumes, I am sure it is extremely simple but it is completely eluding me. I need my solutions guide to make sure I am on the right track, how can I be expected to have confidence in my own abilities?
It helps that I finally received my acceptance letter not only into Arts and Sciences but also New House. Big sigh of relief there, again, I need validation and confirmation. No self-esteem here!!
So I became a big crying mess at one point in this evening. I am absolutely batty at this point.
I also saw Monster. I really liked it, but what struck me most about it was the social commentary I saw in it. Obviously killing people was not the right thing to do, but I think there is some kind of tragedy in not being able to give people second chances if they want to turn their lives around. I started to gain a better understanding of why some people continue to lead criminal lives once they have started on that path; there really are not too many viable options for a lot of them.
And to state the oh-so-obvious, it sucks.
Then again I can see why it is so hard to trust people who have majorly fucked up. I myself have a hard time forgiving people and no one has yet to do me any physical or financial harm. Employers often build their lives around their jobs and to hire someone with a record is taking a large risk that is unfortunately close to as likely to be punished as rewarded.
So the Christian spirit to help out our fellow man lies gasping and bleeding some days.
At least my dismay is chiefly psycho-somatic. Definitely self-inflicted. Hopefully sleep will ease it off some.
But fuck, flying out at 6 am? Couldn't the travel agent have tried to help out a girl a little bit more? I am going to have to take a sleeping pill so I can go to bed early enough so I can be functional on Monday.
And by the way, everyday I am at Syracuse my classmates have late arrival. I actually do not care that much, this is an amazing opportunity and all of that. But it feels like bitching is the Worthington way.
Love,
Mandy