June 30, 2003
Sequins and Masks
Currently I am thinking in images, not words.
For my speech class I had to make a collage with a theme of expressing something we learned. Mine is about identifying the objective of your speech. From my magazine selection, I have to say that Rolling Stone has the best selection of pictures for collage purposes. Then I added some brightness with lots and lots of sequins (just as sparkley as glitter with less mess).
When it comes to artwork and design, I can put together images in a pretty decent way but I am hard-pressed to make my own pictures that anyone would actually enjoy looking at. Hopefully my Acrylic Painting class next year will change that, but if it does not at least I will have an outlet for creative expression.
I miss that. Freshman year I took two art classes and while one of them was significantly stressful because Craft is taught by an insane woman. If she is not insane, I completely misunderstand her. Both theories are equally plausable. Sophomore year my schedule was full and junior year my painting class would not fit in.
I hope that when I start creating art again I can be something closer to sane and rational when it comes to conflict and everything else.
But for now, I will cut out pictures of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and cover them with sequins and glitter.
I love going to the craft store so much, I always find lots of stuff I want to buy. My favorite stuff to buy is the prints with lizards and everything else on them because I like to use them to make funky wrapping paper. I restrained myself to buying over-priced semi-transparent paper, an x-acto knife that makes me want to cut out lots and lots of pictures, glue, and lots of sequins.
I am not in my element tonight.
During my big project I would not allow my dog in the room with me. One time when he was at the vet he became anxious and started licking the toe nail clippers and ended up with quite the bloody mouth. I had horrible visions of him performing a similar feat with my scissors or x-acto knife, and rather than trust myself to be responsible and not leave them on the floor he was exiled to any room but there.
Apparently my dog loves me more than I thought because when I came out of my artist's chamber to practice piano he was shaking and sitting on my feet. Normally he only does that when he is scared of a storm, but my dog is far too much like my father and I in that he loves being around people (believe it or not, I do) and cannot stand it when he is missing out.
It is starting to worry me that one of the guys at Panera is recognizing me.
"Hey, were you here before?" - Panera Guy
"Um, yeah..." Me, starting to feel a bit like a loser that I am being recognized for always coming to my weekly haunt.
Then I ordered my food.
"Hey, isn't that what you ordered before?"
"Um, yeah..." So now I am not only a loser that has no place else to be at six o'clock on a Monday night, I am boring too.
But next week I am going to order some Jones Soda and switch it up. Ohh boy, I bet he will not see that coming! He will have my order all put in and I will say "Excuse me, but I do not want the lemonade," and snap!
Summer apparently makes me boring.
At one point or another in our lives, if not always, we all put on masks. Sometimes the mask is something others want us to be, sometimes it is something we want to be, or sometimes the mask is created as a result of an intense emotion that we are unable to control that hides our true selves. I have an ugly jealousy mask, for example.
In my experience, no matter how long we wear the mask it never truly becomes a part of us. We may change beneath the mask to become more like it but it is not because of the mask that we do so. But it is very rare that we change for the better, instead whatever it is we are trying to hide is deprived of oxygen and becomes mossy. Then I think the longer the mask stays on, the harder it is to take it off.
But I think the masks we wear to hide our true selves from people we love (work masks and school masks are sometimes essential to survival) or people we hope to love or have understand us need to be removed. Then burned. As much as we all are attracted to image and any and all things well-crafted, nothing beats sincerity.
Love,
Mandy