February 27, 2004
Entitled
I think I am going to be in a world of hurt when I stop driving to go to college, only because it feels like I do my best thinking when I am behind the wheel. Or if it is not my best, it is definitely my most interesting.
My latest thought behind leather interior is that human beings have approximately seven senses. There are well known five (sight, touch, hearing, taste, and smell), the nearly as well known sixth of intuition, and the less talked about seventh: entitlement. Maybe most human beings only have six, but I know many who have the seventh and I think it may be the most frustrating, self-defeating sense there is to have.
I thought about a time recently when I have been hurt by someone and the argument given to me about why the action was not so bad. Essentially it rested on the argument of entitlement, these other people were entirely in their rights to do what they did. Entitlement also creates the ugliest aspects in my school, with people arguing that one thing or another is not fair not because they assume that many things are givens that really are not.
Generally the assumption is that unless there is a strong reasoning for why someone should not get exactly what they want, the rule is to always reward desire generously. The people most frustrating to me are the ones who do not consider hurting others worthy reasoning. Too much eros.
I understand how easy it is to become so focused on oneself, especially when society seems to prove that unless someone looks out for number one no one else will. But to me it seems like you cannot wait for society to rise to your expectations, then follow the example of others. As painful as it is sometimes, character is being better than the status quo with the hope that others will follow the lead.
Unfortunately bringing others along sometimes weakens or threatens the leader. Quite unreasonably I am somewhat annoyed that after I decided to take Latin independent study three or so other students decided to do the same thing. Now my Latin teacher says she has so many students taking the class independent study that she is going to write out specific rules that, should they be broken, will force a student to once again sit back in class.
I probably will not break any of the rules but I hate the threat hanging over my head, the anticipation of a fuck-up. I think I respond better to positive re-enforcement or some psycho babble along those lines. Already my Latin teacher's recent lack of enthusiasm for me turning in assignments has made me want to drop the class altogether, which I can still do, especially since I told all of the colleges I applied to that I planned to drop Latin at the semester.
Essentially it is the same kind of attitude that I get in most of my regular classes. I do not know enough about educational psychology to argue one way or the other, but it seems that my school decided somewhere along the line that most students respond better to consequences being clearly laid out prior to misbehavior rather than encouragement to perform well and be a productive student within the school. It feels to me that it is changing the system for the needs of a few, but if you look at the way most educational funding works nowadays I guess I should not be surprised.
Just for fun here I would like to repeat myself and say that not everyone is intelligent, equal, or intellectual. College diplomas should not be the high school diplomas of thirty years ago and while college is a wonderful experience for many people that expands horizons and enriches many individuals, it is not for everyone and people should not feel defecient if they do not feel the benefits of earning a B.A.
Part of me wonders what would happen if everyone did what they really want to do if the needs of society would end up adequetely fulfilled naturally. If people forgot about the judgments of others and other societal expectations, only pursuing work and activities that brought them joy, perhaps our society would reach a level of productivity that no economist ever dreamed of.
I feel like I could certainly be a lot happier if I would give the judgments of others a little bit more weight. I doubt I am the only one.
One of the things I am going to miss most, besides the driving inspiration, will be Friday Night '80s on one of the local radio stations. It just makes me so happy. On the way to Christian's I listened to "Little Red Corvette", only my favorite Prince song ever (baby you're much too fast) and I returned home to Squeeze's "Tempted".
I do not feel entitled to a Friday Night '80s, but I definitely enjoy it.
Love,
Mandy