February 20, 2004
My Body is as Restless as my Mind
It is almost concerning how much I am enjoying living in a house without any people. I say this on Day 2, I may say something very different a few days later or by the end, but for now I enjoy not having to make conversation with anyone unless I want to; the only way people can contact me is via e-mail and cell phone, allowing me to be forgetful or deaf if I so choose it.
I always thought I could be a cat owner but I am beginning to think maybe not; I cannot stand the smell of Fancy Feast. Yech. I did manage my to get some control over my gag reflex, not it is a little more delayed. Or maybe I just learned to breathe through my mouth.
Walking the dog, Maddy, proved just how out of shape I am. Our walk yesterday was rushed because I was and for a good part of today my butt hurts I think of the Ani Difranco lyrics from "Roll With It": She says my ass hurts / when I sit down / she says my feet hurt / when I'm standing around / I think my body / is as restless as my mind / and I'm not gonna roll with it this time.
I wonder what it is about trivia games and generally collecting useless knowledge. Even when I am in school I am happy to learn the little details that often do not matter much and hoard them away. Off the top of my head my guess is that is fun because it is knowledge for knowledge's sake, not for any specific purpose or point system.
In some ways learning about philosophy in class drives me nuts, because my interest is whetted but the information given is so shallow and free of the nitty gritty details that I love that it feels something like a cliff hanger ending. And I am always grasping onto the edge.
Because I am such a brat, I wonder if it is healthy for me to live alone. I have a feeling my brattiness will only grow without someone to help me check it, if only to save face. We all whine about pride and how it limits us, but I think sometimes I need the gates around my own atrocious behavior.
Surprisingly I had a really good time working last night. It is always more fun when I get the kids who like me (with parents who tip...). One of the kids left saying he liked being there and asked to come again, which was a relief after his sister wrote "Help" on the dry erase board. Give a kid a marker...
As always I am amazed at my ability to give myself an ulcer.
I am also slightly amazed at how girly guys can be. In lunch today Anita and I talked about how we felt like we were the guys in relationships, hesitant to commit or be sentimental. Part of me wonders if this is some kind of growing trend as women are becoming more equal (if not superior ;) ) to men, too busy and anxious to cut off relationship excess. Perhaps we are becoming too capitalistic. Don't blame me, blame NAFTA and WTO.
Currently I am feeling journalism burnout. I sense that my journalism teacher is kind of sick of my issue articles and other looks at foreign news. More importantly, though, I sense that I will have to replace my eyes with lost mouse balls (from the computer) if I have to cover the Prom Fashion Show or anything else.
I feel like I have worn out my welcome and I am just as ready to board the next plane out of state, but I am without reservations until April and I will receive no ticket until the fall. Some days I am sick of being responsible and upstanding and wanting to change little things for the better, only to be met with resistance and criticism for my efforts.
At least I can look forward to others sometimes distracting me from my silly problems.
Love,
Mandy