September 8, 2004
Finally A Smith Entry, right?
I feel like such a punk when it comes to EVERYTHING here at Smith. I've changed my social habits completely and it is taking a little bit of time for me to adjust. Usually I have a relatively small, close-knit group of friends that I know really well and I never have to worry about whether or not to bring them with me to something because they're usually the ones who are with me. So I feel guilty and not loyal. But I may just be flattering myself when I feel like I'm letting people down.
But otherwise, Smith is really great. And the above paragraph has nothing to do with Smith, really, it's more about my fucked-up-ness.
So I am trying to be as social and fun as possible, and I think about 85% of the time it is working out. But because of this, I'm not writing at all: not here in the lovely lj (though it can be noticed I still try very hard to read everyone else's stuff), not in my written journal (haven't written in there since Inward Bound, when we were ALL writing in our journals...I loved that to death, though, why the hell am I not writing more?!?), no letters back, no thank you notes for uber-kind bosses at Legal Aid who send me shower gels, and, um, not my Plato outline right now.
Convocation was wonderful, I love any event that requires me to dress up and/or be creative. I am complete crap when it comes to drawing or painting, but when it comes to crafty stuff or other kinds of design, I'm not too shabby. My whole house (See that white house it's a shakin' / Don't you know it's the girls from Capen...) dressed up in trash bags and newspapers for "Capen Couture", which meant I fashioned a dress out of a black garbage bag and the tie part of my pink robe, then added my awesome pink, green, and orange stilettos for all kinds of nearly-ankle-breaking fun. Gabby and I both decided it was only appropriate to finish off this mockery of fashion with outrageous runway make-up, so I smeared my eyes in all kinds of dark purple and brown, extending the color from the corner of my eyes nearly to my hairline. I wish I was brave enough to do this kind of thing all of the time, it's just so awesome to be over the top. But maybe if we all were all the time it wouldn't be so special, kind of like Daisy's constant hyperbole in Gatsby. Sorry, that was far too literary of me for an lj update.
So to wrap all of this up, my favorite times so far have been meeting and talking to people, especially a lot of the people from here, and chilling with my house, especially when not too many people were here, before most of the first years moved in. I love everyone much, with maybe two exceptions of people who make me uncomfortable or aren't down with Risky Business, but it was awesome to hang out with one girl from my house, Natalia, for a bunch and get to know her pretty well while we would hang out on the roof/balcony.
As always I am trying to find balance, but I'm trying to not be too hard on myself since it is still early in the year. One of the things I wrote for Inward Bound (though I didn't share it...until now. *gasp*) was about how I really want to try to trust my instincts, at least for a little while to see if they are any good.
I'm not sure if it is my instinct or insecurity that says I can be such an annoying, unreliable bitch. If I figure out this Plato stuff a little better, I will let you know if it is really just some kind of justice. May the spoils go to either the just or the one who makes silly half-drunken phone calls to people on livejournal. LOL, I may not be trusting my instincts so much as I am occasionally trusting alcohol.